Even after 1 ½ years there are still times when tears suddenly come. It may be a memory coming to mind or something I want to share or a prayer needed or a business decision. It can also be in the dark of night. When the tears come, I ask God for forgiveness for feeling sorry for myself and then I read scripture or sing a song of praise. Sometimes it’s still quite a struggle to get my mind thinking and dwelling on the good and lovely thoughts. Yesterday the body shop called and told me the insurance company was refusing to pay all of their part for the deer damage to the car. The shop said they would go ahead and repair it and I could work it out with the insurance company later. My husband always dealt with insurance companies. They respond better to a man than to a woman. I spent the afternoon fighting tears. Then I reminded myself of the verse in James 1:5 (NIV) “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” I asked my Father for wisdom and I know He will tell me what to do at the right time to do it.
A few days ago, I was comforting another widow. As I gave her a hug she said she keeps her grief private for fear of judgement from others that she lacks faith or is just too full of self-pity; then she proceeded to let the tears flow. In God’s written word we read (Romans 12:15 NIV) “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” In today’s culture, it is hard to not feel judged for certain emotions. We seem to run on time schedules and many believe there is something wrong with anyone who can’t get over an emotion considered to be negative in a prescribed amount of time. The owner of the body shop knew my husband and reached out to me with kindness. How much more Christ-like this world would be if we would quit judging and replace our judgments of others with the love of Christ flowing through us, reaching out to others in openness.