Three Years Today

Three years today.  I’ve learned to move on with my life but it’s not always easy.  Today is a teary day.  I choose to focus on the good memories rather than the loss.  It never helps someone to say to them their loved one is in a better place.  We know this.  It doesn’t fill the hole in our hearts.  Today I will meet one of my daughters for lunch and we will eat smoked ribs in honor of my husband.  It was one of his favorite meals (behind meat loaf).  We will not talk about the past for, on this day, it would be too difficult for me (and maybe even for my daughter).  We will focus on the present and the future.  God loaned me a tremendous blessing in the husband I had for almost 51 years.  God is still blessing me.  He is moving me into other realms of ministry.  I continue to recite Philippians 4:11 every morning.  We have the ability to choose how we will look at each day God gives us.  I choose to rejoice in God and all His blessings and thank Him daily for the blessed experiences He has given me and for those yet to come.  Though I can still see and hear everything that happened 3 years ago today, I thank God for all He is doing in and through me today.  Whether in sorrow or happiness we can always take joy in the love of our Father God, His Word, Jesus and the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Let us always rejoice in Him and give Him thanks through all circumstances.

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Always Present

When you find you are living alone without the love of your life, you miss (among many other things) having someone to say good morning to or hear them say good morning.  The same is true at night.  But, I have Someone Who is even a greater love of my life.  I say good morning to my Lord then, as I have my quiet time with Him, I hear Him say good morning to me.  I also tell Him good night before I settle down to sleep.  Remembering His promise of always being with me helps me face the feeling of being left alone.  I am never alone.  Though there will always be a hole in my heart for the one I shared so much of life with, I choose to fill my loneliness with the knowledge of the very real Presence of my God.  Not only is He always with me, because of Jesus death and resurrection He had filled me with His very real Presence of His Holy Spirit.  Whenever we feel alone, all we need to is talk to our Father.  He is always with us and always listening for us to speak to Him. 

Another Birthday

Birthday

Today is another birthday without him.  As I prayed about how to celebrate it in a cheerful way I heard the answer.  I take my local daughter out to lunch.  I send another daughter a check to cash for spending money on a soon to be vacation with a letter reminding her of when her dad and I took here there.  I also send my son a check to buy special meat for barbeque in honor of his Dad’s love of barbeque meat.  This makes me feel like I’ve given my husband a birthday gift that he would have greatly enjoyed.  I also enjoyed knowing it keeps his memory alive in our children.

Happy Birthday, honey.  Enjoy your celebration in the very real presence of our Father, God.

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, but my valentine is no longer here.  I can be sad that we can’t do our normal but extra special romantic dinner and share word of love or I can move my thoughts to One Who loves me even more than my valentine love me.  The One Who loves me more really did lay down His life for me out of love.  He suffered in ways I can’t comprehend just so I could receive His love.  Then I remember today is also Ash Wednesday.  It is a day of preparation for the sacrifice and suffering of the One Who loves me without measure.  How fitting for this to coincide with Valentine’s Day.  This is a day to represent love and remind us of love.  I may not be able to have that romantic dinner but I can share word of deep love with the One Who loves me most.  I hope you also know that perfect love and have a wonderful Valentine’s Day expressing that love to Him and receive His love.  The love of God, the Father and His Son, Jesus through the Holy Spirit Who resides in all who love Jesus.  Happy love day.

Memories

Memories can be bittersweet.  They come at odd moments and can send us for a nose dive into sadness if we allow them.  I have memories of the things I used to do and loved doing that my body is no longer capable of doing.  I also have memories of all the things we used to do together as a couple.  These memories make me miss him so ever much more.  I can be sad and upset of his being gone or I can choose to thank God for all the wonderful times we shared things together.  I have willed to thank God each time one of the memories comes up.  Instead of concentrating on what can no longer be, I am thankful for what was; the joy and the experience shared.  As the memories of your beloved come into your mind and the longing to continue experiencing those things, turn instead to thanks to God for what He gave you in your past and know He has other memories for you to accumulate as you continue to walk with Him.

Trusting

From time to time I try to understand why God took my husband and left me.  What was His purpose in His decision.  I was the one who was pronounced terminal two times.  He was always fine.  But, as I ponder this question the following scripture comes to mind.   Mark 10:15 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” (NIV)   As a little child, we accept the decision of our parents because we know they love us and are making the best decisions for us.  We don’t demand (when we are young) the reason.  We just accept in complete trust.  God wants our complete trust.  God wants us to know His love for us so complete that we have no need to question His leading or decisions.  As this comes to me, I ask forgiveness for my demanding to know the why.  Peace gradually replaces the need to know and understand.  The peace comes from the assurance that God really does know and see to it what is best for us and His glory comes about  It is very comforting knowing that the One Who created all that was, is or will ever be loves us so very much and holds our very being in the center of His perfect love for us.

Birthday Remembrance

I just celebrated another birthday without my husband.  We always made each other’s birthdays very special.  I wasn’t looking forward to it.  But God surrounded me with people who made it a very enjoyable day.  I was asked by one of them if I had a favorite memory of one particular birthday.  What joy it brought back to me as I shared.  He had made reservations for a surprise party for me at a dinner theater.  I had no idea of this until that morning when the phone rang and the dinner theater asked to confirm the amount of reservations.  I was so surprised that he had planned it and even more surprised at how many friends were coming.  I never told him that the restaurant called.  I acted very surprised which was easy seeing all the friends who cared enough to spend their money and come.  The feelings it gave me still stay with me today as I reflect on it and that was quite some time ago.

As we allow God, He will gently lead us through the special times that we miss so very much.  What a loving, patient and gentle Father God we have.

Holidays

Getting through the holidays is difficult when we live alone.  We miss the memories of holiday celebration.  Instead of feeling sad and lonely, get busy.  Bake the special cookies, pies or cakes and donate them to someone in need.  If it’s shopping we miss, go shopping for someone in need.  Volunteer extra time to a charity.  All this is in addition to our normal giving.  Instead of sitting at home and being sad, get out there and be a giver.  There is much joy in giving.  God has us here for a reason.  We are His mouth, hands and feet.  He wants us to reach out to those who are in need.  Christmas season is a good time to build the habit of being a giver rather than a downer.  Let us learn to celebrate His joy by sharing His love with others.  We are never alone.  When we have Jesus in our hearts, minds and lives, we have His Holy Spirit living in us.  We can miss those who have gone home to Him and left us here but we have the assurance He is with us and will reunite us with those we miss to enjoy for all eternity. 

One More Drawer

I’ve been going through the house sorting and cleaning out.  It’s been a 2 year project.  I still have one drawer to go.  I’ve had that last draw for quite some time now.  It was my husbands “junk” drawer.  I’ve opened it many times but just can’t sort things how.  It has many mementoes, things that meant something special to my husband.  Some of them have no meaning to me but I know they were important to him.  I know, when the time is right, God will help me sort out the items in that drawer.  I know I don’t need to rush it.  But knowing doesn’t erase the constant reminder that it is still there.  When we loose someone we love we need to be sure not to put pressure on ourselves to do everything right away.  There is no time line.  But, there is a time to move on in each and every area of our lives.  We don’t move on in every area at the same time and shouldn’t expect to.  The main issue is being open to move forward with the leading of God in HIs way and His timing.  He will move each of us in a unique and different way for He created each of us uniquely and individually.  If you’re having trouble letting go of something in the past, lift it up before the throne of God’s grace.  He knows when, what and how we each need to move on with Him.  My last drawer is waiting.  I don’t feel guilt or pressure. I wait on God’s time.

53 Years

Today would be 53 years of our union together.  It’s a biter/sweet day.  The memories are wonderful yet the missing is still so very real.  I was woken a 5 AM by a phone call from my Navy grandson.  So sweet for him to think of me amidst all his work.  I am surrounded by such a loving family and friends.  One friend is going with me to my husband’s favorite restaurant to celebrate in his memory.  It is important for those who find themselves suddenly alone to allow others into their hearts and lives.  No, it doesn’t change the missing but it helps the heart in sharing the memories.  If you’re grieving, let others into your grief through sharing the wonderful memories God gave you as you shared your life with that one.  Just don’t live in the past.  Our memories are given to us by God to help us live in the present.  Enjoy the memories but also enjoy what God is doing in and through you on this day.