I’ve been talking with God asking Him why I still hurt so much and tears still come involuntary at odd times. He told me the hurt would always be there and tears would come and go and it is all right. He understands how I feel being separated from my husband. Though it isn’t exactly the same it is like when He and His Son, Jesus, separated for Jesus to leave His deity and become a man to experience all we had to experience and yet, at the same time, show us how God created us to live. Jesus felt the separation from the Father even though He knew they would be reunited again as the One in Three they were and always will be. For us, it’s the opposite direction but we will be reunited again for all eternity. We who have been separated from our loved one must not berate ourselves for our emotions. We must continue to love and serve our Lord with all our hearts, minds and lives even through our emotions and tears. There is joy to be had even in our missing. God is so very merciful in our weakness and so very loving in His reaching down to and in us.
Today was the second year my husband celebrated his birthday before the throne of God. I went to eat lunch at his favorite restaurant and drowned my sorrows in his favorite grocery store buying junk food. Then I sang praise songs all the way (1 hour drive) home. That didn’t stop me from throwing a self-pity party later this night. My 10-year-old granddaughter asked about my day and said when I get sad to think about all the good memories I have. I do that but it never gets easier missing someone who was so much part of your life. But God knows and understands. He had to send His Son, Who had never been away from His very real presence, down to a world that would reject Him and kill Him because God loves us and wants us to know Him and be in His presence for all eternity. God even had to turn His face away from His Son when Jesus took our sins upon Himself so we could be forgiven and not pay the penalty because God cannot, by His own nature and laws, be in the presence of sin. So, it’s okay to throw a self-pity party occasionally as long as we remember the cost God paid for us and turn back to Him, giving Him thanks and glory for what He has done and continues to do for us. God, please tell Richard Happy Birthday for me.
I’m discovering I should be as nice to me as I was to my husband. Example: I really enjoy iced tea. When it runs out I always made fresh tea for my husband and myself. Now, when it runs out I just decide I can drink water rather than bothering to make tea. There are many thing I always did for my husband that I just don’t bother doing for myself. Scripture says we are to love others AS we love ourselves. I doubt it is a lack of self-love but probably due more to laziness. I was never too lazy to do things for my husband that I knew he would enjoy. When we find ourselves alone, we must be sure to be as kind to ourselves as we were to our loved ones.
It was a wonderful birthday. Instead of being the one given to, I spent the day giving to others. I won’t share who are what I gave because that is between God and the ones who received. But it was so much more fun than being on the receiving end. Some of the giving was a complete surprise to the receiver. Actually, all were surprises. What a delightful way to spend a birthday than to celebrate the joy of being able to give to others. I recommend everyone try it at least once. God is so generous to me and passing it on to others even more than normal is such a joy. I hope it put a smile on God’s face. It certainly put smiles on many other faces. My face has the biggest smile. Thank You God for this birthday and enabling me to be a giver.
It’s my birthday weekend. My husband and I didn’t gift each other on our birthdays. Instead, we did something special and different for the weekend of the birthday. I find myself fighting tears of missing him and self-pity for me so I decided to bore you with writing it away so I could turn to where God has me today. I am blessed with so many special and enjoyable memories. Many of them bring back laughter as I think on them or come across a picture. Tonight is a piano concert we would both be going to. I will be taking myself. I am blessed that I am able to attend and look forward to beautiful, live music. I know I will not be the only one attending alone so, instead of moping, I will pray for others as I look around the audience. Since my birthday is Monday, I will possible drive an hour to where we would probably have chosen to go for lunch. If I find someone eating alone, I will ask if I can join them. It might an open heart and mind to receive Christ. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad for a short while but then we must move on with God and allow His joy and love to shine through us. This is my birthday weekend. I will rejoice and be glad in Christ Jesus, my Lord and Savior.
Sometimes, out of the blue, tears still come. It’s okay for the tears because the just say I miss him. But they don’t last long because I have been so blessed. We had over 50 years together and I have so very many precious memories. But I think about those who didn’t have so much time. All our children knew their father and all our grandchildren knew and have good memories of their grandfather. I think of those who did not have the blessing of knowing their father or grandfather. I turn my tears into prayers of intercession for those who don’t have so many good memories and ask God to bless them and comfort them. If you are one of those please be assured my prayers are for you. Let the tears come but also look to God for He will surely comfort and bless you.
It was 18 degrees when I woke up this morning. All the outdoor pipes I knew about were covered so I wasn’t concerned. Midafternoon I knock on my door and a gentleman said I appeared to have a problem. As I looked out I saw a fountain shooting up over the roof. I didn’t know the source so I shut off the main water valve at the meter. I had no idea where the connection for that water spout was and panicked. I called my son-in-law to come out. While I was waiting for his arrival I prayed. Yes, that should have been my first response before the panic but I’m still learning. As I prayed I was led to get a shovel and look at the pipe. As I traced the pipe I had to get snippers to trim dead branches back. There it was. Several connections under all the growth leading to the two (yes, there was another water spout around the corner of the house) water spouts or fountains. I disconnected them, turned the water back on and smiled and thanked God for the knowledge He gave me. I called my son-in-law and thanked him for heading my way. What did I learn? God truly supplies all our needs if we only look to Him, ask Him and listen to Him.
When a loved one is taken from us we grieve. But after the initial grieving we must understand 3 basic things. God is in control and, though He didn’t cause the leaving, He allowed it in His wisdom and timing. Our life is incredibly short in the time span of all eternity. God has a purpose for us to still be on this earth in our bodies of flesh and bones. As we walk through our grieving process we must start meditating on these 3 principles and allow God to make them real in our minds and hearts. When we’ve accepted the first 2 it is time to pray and listen to the 3rd one, God’s purpose for us still being here. Our purpose first is to fellowship with God. Then we are also allow Him to work through us. His work through us can take many various forms during the different phases of our lives on this earth. We must be open to changes in our ministry as God leads us through our walk. Let’s open up and listen daily.
0I bought a pillow the other day. It is a very firm pillow that keeps it’s shape. I place it beside me in the bed. When I wake up during the night I feel the pillow next to me and fall back to sleep quicker. It’s nice feeling something next to me. It’s no longer my husband who was next to me over 50 years, but it does help. Where did I get this idea of using a pillow to help me sleep? I was in the store and as I cut through the pillow isle on my way elsewhere, I heard an inner voice say, “You need a pillow to sleep beside.” I’ve learned to pay attention to those inner voices and am so glad I did. If you have accepted Jesus as Your Lord and Savior, you also have an inner voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to you. Learn to listen for it. Practice hearing it in all things. Jesus said He is always with us, ready to comfort and lead us. Let Him.
One of my grandsons gave me a very generous gift card for a restaurant. I invited a couple to go with me as my guest. It was so very nice being with a couple again. It seems couples don’t like or maybe think about inviting a single to join them for a meal. I’ve missed conversations that include the male aspect and had a delightful time. It’s sad that the friends we socialize with change when our circumstances change. I’m sure there are several reasons couples don’t want to be with singles. I’m not sure what they all are. My husband and I frequently invited a single to join us for a meal out. If you’re a couple, it might make a good ministry for you to think about those who are alone. They are not dangerous or competition to your own relationships. They just want to share the love of God with others. I thank this couple for going out with me and they’ve said we will do this more often. If you’re alone, I hope you, also, will enjoy the fellowship of couples along with the fellowship of singles.