My son and his family needed me. I left home quickly and headed for where my husband and I raised our children. It’s hard helping adult children with their problems when your spouse, your prayer partner, your confidant is no longer with you. It’s hard seeing good friends from the past alone. It’s time for choosing our emotions when faced with situations like these. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves. We can choose to look at what we no longer have. We can choose to look at what we do have. We can choose to believe and trust God’s word when He said He would never leave us alone. These last 2 statements are what I’ve chosen. I choose them even with the empty place in my heart knowing God knows the hurt and is blessing me in other ways. Yes, life is a changing process. Without change and movement there is death. As the Hebrews moved with the pillar of light and the cloud, so we must move with the Spirit of God allowing Him to work in and through us in all circumstances He allows to come our way. God’s blessings are far beyond our most extravagant dreams. Let’s all move on with God thanking Him for whatever is to come.
Knowing God is always with us, always sees us, always hears us and is always in us through His Holy Spirit we must pay attention to this verse. Colossians 3:17 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (NIV) As a widow I have found it hard to motivate and cook a good meal or do housework in a timely manner. Sometimes my clean laundry would sit in the basket waiting me to fish out what I need for the day. Then I remembered this verse in Colossians. It doesn’t matter what there is to do, all of it can and should be done to the glory of God. Dishes cleaned praising Him for dishes to clean and hot water to use. Meals cooked because God loves me and wants me to be healthy for Him to dwell in me. As I sit and eat, I know He is with me. Whatever I’m preaching, doing rounds in the hospital praying and helping patients and their family, writing devotions, walking a dog, doing laundry or scrubbing the bathroom, I do it all in thanks and praise to God and for His glory. How is there glory in doing the normal, mundane tasks of daily living? God gives us life. Life has regular things in order to maintain a healthy body and mind. Whatever brings health in life brings glory to God as long as we recognize we are here to fellowship with God, live for God and bring others to an awareness of God. With God in our minds, hearts and lives, we are never alone. Knowing this brings God glory.
Anniversaries. These are dates usually celebrated with great joy and thanksgiving. But, sometimes they’re full of sadness. Anniversary of a birthday, wedding date or the day of someone’s passing are mixed with good memories and hurt for the missing of the person. Today was my brother-in-law’s birthday. I remember the joyful times of celebrating with him and kidding him for being a year older than I. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my husband’s going home to our Father. I can still see everything that happen and hear everything that was said that day even though it is now 2 years. The question for us is how we will choose to celebrate those anniversaries. We can dwell on our lost, our pain, our hurt or we can choose to put our mind on all the wonderful times we had together and thank God for what He gave us. Sometimes it takes gritted teeth and we must join Job in saying, “Even if He slays me I will praise Him.” We have the choice of where we allow our minds to take us. Let us choose always to be thankful for God is always with us and never will leave us.
It’s all comparative. We compare most everything. When we shop we compare quality and cost to find the best deal. I was pondering on my marriage and realized I had the joy of my husband for many, many more years than the amount of years possible or me to be without him. And then I will see him for all eternity. That doesn’t means sadness and grief don’t rear their ugly head from time to time but it does help me appreciate the gift of our marriage God gave us more and accept that God has other purposes for the remainder of my years walking this earth. I know there are some who read this who were not blessed with the 50+ years we had together, but all of us can be thankful for whatever time God allows us the blessing of someone else’s love to share. So in all things and all situations we can rejoice in the love of God and be content in the situation He allows for us to work through in His love and grace.
I’ve been talking with God asking Him why I still hurt so much and tears still come involuntary at odd times. He told me the hurt would always be there and tears would come and go and it is all right. He understands how I feel being separated from my husband. Though it isn’t exactly the same it is like when He and His Son, Jesus, separated for Jesus to leave His deity and become a man to experience all we had to experience and yet, at the same time, show us how God created us to live. Jesus felt the separation from the Father even though He knew they would be reunited again as the One in Three they were and always will be. For us, it’s the opposite direction but we will be reunited again for all eternity. We who have been separated from our loved one must not berate ourselves for our emotions. We must continue to love and serve our Lord with all our hearts, minds and lives even through our emotions and tears. There is joy to be had even in our missing. God is so very merciful in our weakness and so very loving in His reaching down to and in us.
Today was the second year my husband celebrated his birthday before the throne of God. I went to eat lunch at his favorite restaurant and drowned my sorrows in his favorite grocery store buying junk food. Then I sang praise songs all the way (1 hour drive) home. That didn’t stop me from throwing a self-pity party later this night. My 10-year-old granddaughter asked about my day and said when I get sad to think about all the good memories I have. I do that but it never gets easier missing someone who was so much part of your life. But God knows and understands. He had to send His Son, Who had never been away from His very real presence, down to a world that would reject Him and kill Him because God loves us and wants us to know Him and be in His presence for all eternity. God even had to turn His face away from His Son when Jesus took our sins upon Himself so we could be forgiven and not pay the penalty because God cannot, by His own nature and laws, be in the presence of sin. So, it’s okay to throw a self-pity party occasionally as long as we remember the cost God paid for us and turn back to Him, giving Him thanks and glory for what He has done and continues to do for us. God, please tell Richard Happy Birthday for me.
I’m discovering I should be as nice to me as I was to my husband. Example: I really enjoy iced tea. When it runs out I always made fresh tea for my husband and myself. Now, when it runs out I just decide I can drink water rather than bothering to make tea. There are many thing I always did for my husband that I just don’t bother doing for myself. Scripture says we are to love others AS we love ourselves. I doubt it is a lack of self-love but probably due more to laziness. I was never too lazy to do things for my husband that I knew he would enjoy. When we find ourselves alone, we must be sure to be as kind to ourselves as we were to our loved ones.
It was a wonderful birthday. Instead of being the one given to, I spent the day giving to others. I won’t share who are what I gave because that is between God and the ones who received. But it was so much more fun than being on the receiving end. Some of the giving was a complete surprise to the receiver. Actually, all were surprises. What a delightful way to spend a birthday than to celebrate the joy of being able to give to others. I recommend everyone try it at least once. God is so generous to me and passing it on to others even more than normal is such a joy. I hope it put a smile on God’s face. It certainly put smiles on many other faces. My face has the biggest smile. Thank You God for this birthday and enabling me to be a giver.
It’s my birthday weekend. My husband and I didn’t gift each other on our birthdays. Instead, we did something special and different for the weekend of the birthday. I find myself fighting tears of missing him and self-pity for me so I decided to bore you with writing it away so I could turn to where God has me today. I am blessed with so many special and enjoyable memories. Many of them bring back laughter as I think on them or come across a picture. Tonight is a piano concert we would both be going to. I will be taking myself. I am blessed that I am able to attend and look forward to beautiful, live music. I know I will not be the only one attending alone so, instead of moping, I will pray for others as I look around the audience. Since my birthday is Monday, I will possible drive an hour to where we would probably have chosen to go for lunch. If I find someone eating alone, I will ask if I can join them. It might an open heart and mind to receive Christ. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad for a short while but then we must move on with God and allow His joy and love to shine through us. This is my birthday weekend. I will rejoice and be glad in Christ Jesus, my Lord and Savior.
Sometimes, out of the blue, tears still come. It’s okay for the tears because the just say I miss him. But they don’t last long because I have been so blessed. We had over 50 years together and I have so very many precious memories. But I think about those who didn’t have so much time. All our children knew their father and all our grandchildren knew and have good memories of their grandfather. I think of those who did not have the blessing of knowing their father or grandfather. I turn my tears into prayers of intercession for those who don’t have so many good memories and ask God to bless them and comfort them. If you are one of those please be assured my prayers are for you. Let the tears come but also look to God for He will surely comfort and bless you.